Dreams and the Parking Lot at Walmart

I had a terrible migraine so I went back to bed after dropping my little girl at high school for band camp.  School is starting soon so I go back to work soon, and it's probably been the hardest week since the first after he left.  Life goes on, and in so many ways, I'm stuck.

What I should remember most from now until forever is that he walked out on me. He left.  He couldn't deal, and he turned his back on me, leaving as he did in a huff and saying he only "did" love me.  And that's it.  For the rest our lives.

But still, from the pain in my heart and head, he appears in my dreams.  At first, I'd beg him to come back or just fall into his lap in a puddle of tears and he'd stroke my hair.  Relieved mostly to be near him again.  Now, though, he sends me texts in my dreams, saying he's so sorry, what a terrible mistake, and that he should never listen to his mother.  It only comes when I sleep because I hope for it every single time my phone makes a sound.

It was so much easier to lose someone before text messages.

There's also looking for his vehicle everywhere in town.  I think I parked in front of him at the Walmart that separates us.  I was school shopping with my son, getting it done and generally being more on top of it than I've ever been because fuck him: these will be the happiest years of my life up ahead...but tell it to my heart when there's no notes on my car, and we're still divorcing when I wake up.