Joy

I had to wake up at 5:20 on a Saturday to get my big girl to school for a band trip.  I'm so excited for her; it's been a lot of hard work.  I'm also pretty sad to spend a weekend without her.  I just prefer having my babies close.  My little ducklings following closely behind.

(That's two fold: 1. missing my daughter 2. waking up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday)

It was a long week, and I got less sleep as I went.  The beginning of the year is so hard for teachers (and students).  To aggravate the situation a little more, I work at a Title I school with limited resources and its own set of challenging situations.  A student assaulted me at school this week, and it's just not that shocking in a school like mine.

He slammed the door on my wrist in anger on the way out of the classroom.  It got very swollen very quickly.  I'm pretty tough, but I was very encouraged by the many many teacher-moms around me to file for OJI.  (I never go to the doctor.  Really, never.)  The doctor sent me home with a bandaged wrist and a slight enough concern to schedule a follow-up appointment for a week later.  I really thought I would end up canceling it.  But I'm having trouble in my hand now, and it's just not right.  There's a pinching and sickening feeling there.  Of course, it's my right (writing/typing/guitar playing) hand.

This child that hurt me is having so much trouble.  I've had special students before, but this one takes the cake.  Of course, this is the year of my second divorce.

My son is having his own trouble at school.  He always has.  There's just no way that any of these years (7 left) will ever be different.  I've always waited for a break with him; I know now it's not coming.  I've emailed his middle school teachers every day, and I imagine we will be progressing to the next level of meetings soon.  They aren't abiding by the IEP I fought like hell for, for all the years leading up to now.  They have no idea who they're messing with.

For the past couple of days, he's been getting sick, too.  I've been struggling with allergies, literally barking up a lung.  It's hard enough when we're all healthy. 

When it rains, it pours.  It pours on down.

The laundry isn't all done.  It just never is.  The floors need to be cleaned.  And I blew through too much money this month, especially eating out two nights this week after the injury.  I got everything else done, but only just barely.  I thought I would make this look easier...

I don't come home to the black hole my second divorce has made, though I feel the threat of it.  I've been coming home to my kids, and I work my ass of for them because it's not their fault.  I try to find time to play my guitar and dwell in possibility.  I will not be defeated. I will not lie down but instead rise up to become the most incredible version of myself.  I choose to grow strong from this life.

I still have my joy.  

(And every once in awhile, life throws you a bone.  I got a letter in the mail this week from the District Attourney's Office.  Child Support found #1!)