He's Really Sick

My son has been ill for going on two and a half weeks.  He goes back to Vanderbilt  (there's a clue to my identity...but I write the NAME because it's not the local hospital but the one we have to travel to; it carries weight to the significance of the thing) on Tuesday for an ultrasound of his liver and more blood work.  He's been feeling wrong and complaining of vague stomach pains for so long now.  I can't seem to help him, and he's just suffering while we dissect the sickness, doctor by doctor.  I feel myself aging with the worry of it and with the explaining SOMETHING IS WRONG and PLEASE HELP MY CHILD to each of them, more specialized as we go.  I have had a bad feeling this whole time, and it grows with the days.  I tell myself I have to think differently and will another fate into existence.

This thing with my son sure has taken my mind off of my divorce.  I think my (ex)husband is feeling it and living the reality of our divorce/his choices more than me; he's practically dead to me now.  There's just no room in my heart now.